Real Talk Not Small Talk
Does anyone out there enjoy “small talk?” The perfunctory, socially correct Q&A or discussion of the weather. I actually get irritated with “small talk.” I’d much rather be at a social event and introduce myself to a stranger with, “Hi, I’m Valorie. When was the last time you were truly inspired by something or someone?” Or, “Hi I’m Valorie. What’s the last great book you read?”
If you’re in agreement let’s play conversation. “Hi, I’m Valorie… (pick a question(s) and share your response. Feel free to add a question of your own.)
1. What do you love about your dorkiest self?
2. If you could throw a word and it’s meaning out of the English language, what word would it be and why?
3. Are you more interested in being liked or respected? Do your actions support this statement?
4. If you couldn’t use your phone or internet for the week, what would you accomplish?
5. If you could change careers, what would you do?
6. What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Have you forgiven yourself and truly let it go?
7. What country—other than your current one—would you want to live in and why?
8. If you had one super power, what would it be?
9. What’s the greatest compliment you would give yourself?
10. Do you believe that leaders are made or born?
Good conversations inspire intrigue. Good conversations make you think about your own understanding of the world. Good conversations expose perspectives to you that were previously opaque. At best, small talk acts as a social courtesy. Let’s skip the chit chat and aspire to a more thoughtful and deeper understanding of each other and ourselves.
My superpower would be to give people the strength to be honest. What defines you? Your success or your honesty and faith? I believe that your faith and honesty define you and only that gives you success. Without it, any success is hollow and false.
If I didn’t have the internet or my phone for a week, and I’d probably have to include television in this as well, I’d read all of the books on acting and self help I have collected. Well, I’m a relatively slow reader so I’d only get through 2 or 3, if that, but I’d read more. I’m in the process now of figuring out what to do with my life. I want to be an actor in Hollywood and eventually New York, but I have to figure out how to sustain myself, and what my day job will be… Read more »
Scott, your reply resonated with what Oprah was talking about in her Super Soul Sunday YouTube clip with Brene’ Brown on Living Brave. I just watched it today. Brene asked Oprah about the one thing that disappoints her about herself and Oprah answers “her weight”. She goes on to speak about how her negative self-thoughts were merely being reflected in the world and that in order to change her reality she had to change her narrative. It was a 20 min video I thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend.
Thank you! It sounds like something that could really help me. I’ll go look for it now.
Without the Internet or telephone for a week, I would produce better charcoal drawings, color wheels and paintings. These require focus and dedication (of heart and mind ) – and are best done without the distraction of a phone or computer.. (At least until I try digital art ?)
I think you should look at the time you spend at your art at home like you are taking a class. If you went to a class I’m sure you wouldn’t take your phone with you. So just give yourself a 3 hour master class at home sans smart phone. I need to practice what I preach. I’m going to do this tomorrow night when I get home for one hour.
As always, very insightful and thought-provoking. I have decided to Act As If I’m not just a lurker and write a comment. I’m always good for small-talk and can talk up a storm anytime there is a need and sometimes when there is not a need. I think with real talk, I find myself worrying that I will be judged in some way. Nevertheless, I’m going to forge ahead and since I am incapable of choosing just one question, I’m going to start with the first five…1. What do you love about your dorkiest self? I don’t embarrass very easily.… Read more »
I think it’s fascinating how many people say they would get so much more done if they didn’t have their phone for a week. Myself included. And yet, we can’t seem to figure out how to manage that problem without handing it over for a week.
You know what? I’m going to get VERY real here and just lay all of my cards out on the table. The worst mistake I’ve ever made is turning to alcohol & pills as a way of coping. Knowing that both of my biological parents were alcoholics & drug addicts and that addiction is hard wired into my DNA, I did it anyways. I immediately recognized that I was in trouble but I kept going. I let myself believe that I was so much better than other addicts, so much better than my biological parents. My addictions were legal. Alcohol… Read more »
Raw. Real. Revealing. Thanks ~
I feel like I’m doing an injustice if I sugar coat it.
13 years sober, btw
Congratulations. That’s a huge accomplishment.
Thank you. Not sure why I decided to “go there”. It’s not something I discuss and I actually tried to delete it after it posted but couldn’t. But it’s ok. Maybe someone can benefit from it.
If I could change careers I would be a news reporter! Or something with forensics. I’m intrigued with criminals and the psychology of that. It would be cool to be a homicide detective! On the other hand I’d love to have a career with animals. I want to bottle feed a million baby animals that don’t have a mommy. Like anything from squirrels to owels to kittens to horses. Being a vet would be cool but I would cry too much if I saw an injured animal. For now I’ll continue to be a social worker 🙂
YES! Can we quit our real jobs and open an animal sanctuary where we take in retired performance animals and babies that need special care and won’t ever be able to go into the wild?
I LOVE THIS!!! You two are AWESOME!!! Count me in please!!! =)
Haha I love it…. so many unique and diverse interests. You would be an amazing psychologist. You should have your own network show. “Dr M. Go ahead, Try to lie to me.”
If I were to change careers, I would choose something that brings me closer to NCAA sports on a personal level (without being an actual coach) – an athletic trainer, a consultant of some sort, even something in academics. The feelings I get watching athletes overcome obstacles to reach and exceed their personal goals makes me love sports just as much as sports themselves. I think it would be an extremely rewarding career to know I’d be helping someone reach their full potential through sport.
You’re right but just like with any work you do with people… it can be as frustrating as it is rewarding. You’d be great in this field Brandon.
If I could eliminate a word from the English language I would get rid of “almost.” It is, in my opinion, one of the saddest words in existence. I would love to live in a world where there was no more almost.
Awwww yep, I agree. I never thought of it in that way. It does have a sadness associated with it.
Mikaela! How are you? I agree with you on “almost”. I’d also get rid of “just” – it diminishes the value of what we’re saying. And we don’t need to apologize for what we say.
Here is a challenge to us all. Starting today let’s move forward with our daily conversations without the words we would like to eliminate. We don’t need “almost” and “just”!
Do I believe that leaders are made or born?
I believe a leader exists in each of us that holds our own specific strength. It’s a unique and special spark that no one else can create. Sometimes it takes a difficult situation where a leader is needed for that spark to come to life, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t already there.
My own question is: If you could talk to one person you care about that is no longer around, who would it be and what would you say?
I like to believe that each of us has a small part of leadership in us and we just need the mentor, desire, and opportunity to bring it out and nurture it.
I would love to talk with Jesus and ask him how did Earth come to be, and a ton of other questions. And I’d like to have dinner with my mom. She died when she was 53 and I was 25. She was amazing, loving, fun and filled with all things good.
This is a great question! I think I would talk to my paternal grandfather. He was a wonderful musician and played with Glenn Miller. I never got to meet him yet have always felt a musical connection with him.
Awwwww wouldn’t that be lovely ~~~ I hope someday you get to meet him. Just as I’m hoping to be able to see my mom again.
Lovely question Mik.
I would love to meet my paternal grandfather. He passed when my dad was 26. To this day, through almost everything he does, I can tell my dad adored his father. My dad and I have a special connection, its intangible. I am without a doubt, his daughter. We think the same. And because of this, I would so love to know his father, because I know it would help me deepen my connection with my dad – a connection that hasn’t always been easy.
3. Are you more interested in being liked or respected? Do your actions support this statement? What a great question. It reminds me of Coach Wooden and his quote about character vs. reputation. Most of my life I worried about being liked. Now that I am nearly 40 and recently became a mom to a little girl I am certain that I would rather be respected. I have learned to say what people need to hear rather than what they want to hear. If I can manage to be a good parent, my daughter may not always like me but… Read more »
I believe most everyone would answer the question as you did. And to complete your last sentence she may not always like you but she will recognize your tough love for her and will love you.