Real Talk Not Small Talk
Does anyone out there enjoy “small talk?” The perfunctory, socially correct Q&A or discussion of the weather. I actually get irritated with “small talk.” I’d much rather be at a social event and introduce myself to a stranger with, “Hi, I’m Valorie. When was the last time you were truly inspired by something or someone?” Or, “Hi I’m Valorie. What’s the last great book you read?”
If you’re in agreement let’s play conversation. “Hi, I’m Valorie… (pick a question(s) and share your response. Feel free to add a question of your own.)
1. What do you love about your dorkiest self?
2. If you could throw a word and it’s meaning out of the English language, what word would it be and why?
3. Are you more interested in being liked or respected? Do your actions support this statement?
4. If you couldn’t use your phone or internet for the week, what would you accomplish?
5. If you could change careers, what would you do?
6. What’s the worst mistake you’ve ever made? Have you forgiven yourself and truly let it go?
7. What country—other than your current one—would you want to live in and why?
8. If you had one super power, what would it be?
9. What’s the greatest compliment you would give yourself?
10. Do you believe that leaders are made or born?
Good conversations inspire intrigue. Good conversations make you think about your own understanding of the world. Good conversations expose perspectives to you that were previously opaque. At best, small talk acts as a social courtesy. Let’s skip the chit chat and aspire to a more thoughtful and deeper understanding of each other and ourselves.
3. I want to be liked and respected. I don’t say that lightly; I grappled with this question a lot in my career in publishing and now in teaching. In my mind, they are very related. I can’t think of any people that I like but don’t respect and maybe very few that I respect but don’t really like. When we work with people, we often spend a LOT of time with them–how much better that is if we like each other! At the same time, if I’m not earning respect, I’m probably doing something wrong–as a professional or simply… Read more »
I can think of people that I like but don’t respect. They are likable and fun to be around, but I don’t necessarily respect how they interpret and live life. However, I can’t think of someone that I respect but don’t like. Interesting… I had never thought of this question in these terms.
Betsy and Miss Val,
Your responses got me pondering some more on this subject. Perhaps “being liked” comes with “respect” only when we are ready to see both as two sides of the same coin. I know that personally I wasn’t always able to. There were many moments when I didn’t like my parents/mentors/teachers/coaches. Only as I got older I was able to recognize that being taken outside my comfort zone was a good thing!
Hi, Valorie, I’m A Renee! What an intriguing question… the worst mistake I’ve ever made. In all honesty, the worst mistake I’ve ever made (up to this point) was allowing my peers (at the age of 13 after the year of my Bat Mitzvah) to frustrate me to the point that I voluntarily left my temple and never made it to confirmation. Have I forgiven myself and truly let it go? No. I have not forgiven myself and I don’t know that I ever will. Perhaps that is okay in this case. The memory of and disappointment in that decision… Read more »
First A Renee I love your thought process and I can’t wait to meet you this season. Your question is amazing. I might just change “Original sin” – I can’t even begin to fathom what that would mean. Mind blowing!
Miss Val, wow! I never even considered that as an event we could change. Imagine what a different world it would be! It would be fascinating to see a religious studies class address the idea… or perhaps you could write about it and create a play or a movie with your own personal thoughts on the matter.
A Renee…GREAT idea!!! Your next project awaits you Val!!! 😉
Let’s do it!!!
A Renee, I really like your posts. You are someone I would enjoy hanging out and talking with.
Let’s all plan on hanging out at PAC-12’s when we compete at Stanford. Aren’t you both in Nor Cal?
Yes! Santa Clara is less than 2 hours from here and I’d LOVE to hang!
1. What do I love about my dorkiest self?
Even if I don’t make other people laugh I make myself laugh!
you never fail to make me laugh kate — your laugh is contagious !! xxxx
Yes you do. ALL the time. And your laugh is totally infectious.
Katelyn, you’re adorable and you make me laugh
Interesting …. I think you should do it Maddie !!!
the greatest compliment that i would hope to give myself………… is that i loved well
You do. You love with an open and compassionate heart.
I second this Jilly!! <3
Amy ~~~ in staying pure to YOU, your enthusiasm is INFECTIOUS even across the typed word of the internet. Keep it coming Aimes! And YES… let’s craft a fabulous Broadway show together someday!!!!
Yes. Yes you do Jill. Actually, you both do.
If I couldn’t use my phone or internet for a week, I would get my homework done and have time for myself. I would get a chance to relax and do the things I want.
Interesting, I think you should do this even if you don’t get rid of your phone for a week.
I have been discussing the career question lately and I i have since decided to change direction and become a speech pathologist!
Also if i could live anywhere else it would be the UK because i absolutely love studying their history.
A speech pathologist is a great idea. I imagine your experience in music lends to having a strong ear for something like this. And the UK sounds lovely. You will have the most beautiful accent after a few years. Can’t wait to visit 😉
My superpower would be to heal those who are deeply hurt in their inner beings – broken hearts ? and spirits that desperately feel like nothing can ever heal them.
W O W!!!!!!!!! Marie Wiles, I can’t wait to meet you. I have a feeling you already possess your superpower in helping others. Thank you for sharing.
I think you should chip away at becoming a pilot or therapist! Life is short… don’t wait to dance 😉
Me? I would write and direct musical theatre and or film, I have two projects in the works. OR … I would be the Director of a School of Performing Arts. Thanks for asking!
I am currently at the point in my life where I actually get to change my “career” as a stay at home mom to my children, so I am choosing my path right now and will have to get back to you when I find my way.
It’s never too late to start writing or directing films Miss Val! The movie industry is in desperate need of strong, character driven films that tell stories, not just blow things up. There are a lot of books on the subject, and you have the TFT department at UCLA and you live in LA!
This is so exciting. Oh the possibilities!?!?!?! Let’s have a girlfriends night out and brainstorm!
If I could live in another country other than the US, I think I would live in either Switzerland or France. The countries are absolutely beautiful and clean. I love the cultures, the architecture, the food, the art. I would like that I can walk everywhere. I would like shopping at the market and farmer’s market daily for fresh foods. I would enjoy that I could travel around Europe so easily. I love how the Europeans think. Sometimes I feel like us Americans live to work. Europeans work to live. They enjoy life more. The older I am getting the… Read more »
If you do, can I come help run it? I’ll be your administrator and help teach the little kids classes. I miss being in a dance school!
5. If you could change careers, what would you do?
If I weren’t a teacher, I’d either be a marriage and family therapist or a pilot. I’d love to do both one day, although I do love my current job, and I can’t quite stomach the idea of going back to school right now.
Miss Val, what would YOU do? 🙂